Fuck you, Ophiuchus.

So, apparently there is a 13th zodiac now (which I've heard isn't "new" news, but.. it's new to me). The Earth's relation to the sun has changed since the Babylonians, which, in turn, has brought us a new star sign.. Ophiuchus.

Screen names must be changed!
Personality attributes must be readjusted!
And I'm no longer a Gemini!

.. wait, what? I'm no longer a Gemini? Well, I guess I'll have to create a new spam e-mail address and a Yahoo screen name. I'm a Taurus now, see.. so I have to recreate my entire personality. My ex was a Taurus and he was a douche.. this is most displeasing.

Honestly, if you really do believe in all of this zodiac shit, I'm sure you're pulling out your hair and biting at your nails nervously. If you're like me, however, you'll ignore all this hoo-haa. I still consider myself a Gemini. GEMINI PRIDE, YO.

Yeah, yeah.. the moon's gravitational pull on Earth, the stars, blah blah blah.. when it comes down to it, I think it's just something that a bunch of people want recognition for. CONGRATULATIONS, YOU CHANGED THE ZODIAC. .. and pissed a bunch of daily horoscope readers off. Seriously. Those people must be LIVID.

In closing, I don't really believe this stuff. But honestly, I do fit most of the Gemini attributes. Oh well, guess I need to rearrange my entire personality now. Oh, and the new star sign looks just .. disturbing. He looks like he's wiping his ass with a giant snake.

Here's the "new" zodiac chart:

Capricorn: Jan. 20-Feb. 16.
Aquarius: Feb. 16-March 11.
Pisces: March 11-April 18.
Aries: April 18-May 13.
Taurus: May 13-June 21.
Gemini: June 21-July 20.
Cancer: July 20-Aug. 10.
Leo: Aug. 10-Sept. 16.
Virgo: Sept. 16-Oct. 30.
Libra: Oct. 30-Nov. 23.
Scorpio: Nov. 23-29.
Ophiuchus: Nov. 29-Dec. 17.
Sagittarius: Dec. 17-Jan. 20.

DLP